Are Men Really Pigs?

When it comes to a good ol' man bashing session, more times than not, one will hear the declaration that "All men are pigs!" Now, I would assume that not ALL men are COMPLETE pigs, because if that was true, then what the heck are women thinking? Is it just our genetic programing that tells us to reproduce for the sake of human survival at work? Does it cause us to be blind to the obvious? Or, perhaps we are very tolerant  of certain behaviors because of the other qualities they have which make it worthwhile.

Wyatt is a mountain man who cleans up very nice. He is a friend to many, and while he likes a girl who can hang with the boys, he prefers SOME lady-like manners. He is usually polite in mixed company, especially upon first meeting, but when he is comfortable with someone he might cross a boundary or two. We've had some arguements over appropriate behavior like, reprimanding your partner in front of others, or is it EVER ok to refer to your woman as "my hoe." But in general, I never considered him a pig.

But what is it that men do that make us refer to them as pigs? One of the Urban Dictionary's definitions of "pig" is - an insensitive male, a male chauvinist. Aren't most men really insensitive to a woman's needs? And if a woman is insensitive to her man's needs what does that make her?

I have never been good at getting clues, or reading into behavior right off the bat. Unlike most women, I probably won't notice your new hairstyle or weight loss for a couple of weeks.  Wyatt has often said that I "have the filters of a two year old," and he's right. I pretty much say what I mean, when I think it. Yes, I know how to be diplomatic. I had to be as a teacher. But, on a casual level, I'd rather call it as I see it, and that's the way I like to hear it. Got a problem with me? Don't be passive-agressive, come out with it. Don't tipy-toe around it, TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED! And if I'm not responding the way you need me to, I'm probably processing it.... revisite it with me. And PLEASE, don't start with "Now don't get mad about this......"

That's who I am. I am NOT an insensitive person, I just communicate differently. And, if that's how I am, is it possible that men are not really pigs, but really "alternative communicators" like me?

I recently had the opportunity to get a lot of reading done. One of the best books I read was by marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman called, The 5 Love Languages. He discusses the different ways to express love, how we each respond to one way more than the others and how we need to learn, respect and respond to the way our partner feels loved. His views are sometimes based on his Christian beliefs, but he is NOT preachy. As a person who is "spirtiual, but not religious", I found his advice to be very valuable and I think everyone should own a copy of this book and refer to it often, whether you're in a romantic relationship or not.

Saying "All men are pigs," is like saying "All women are crazy." While there are many examples that may prove each statement as true to some level, there are obviously some characteristics that are more important to us.

I wish that I had learned how to communicate my love language to Wyatt and to identify his YEARS ago. But the past is past, I move toward the future and I pray for recovery and healing for the BOTH of us.

How Important is Closure?

Closure (psychology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Closure is a popular psychology term. It refers to a conclusion to a traumatic event or experience in a person's life. The term became popular in the 1990s due to its use in the popular media. The term cognitive closure has been defined as 'a desire for definite knowledge on some issue and the eschewal of confusion and ambiguity.'[1] Need for closure is a phrase used by psychologists to describe an individual’s desire for a firm solution as opposed to enduring ambiguity."

"I need closure".... my status update read, followed by comments from dear friends ready and willing to help me achieve it. But I feel that need to get my closure from the source of the pain. After 11 years, this is really like a divorce. We have grown people business to deal with. We have to communicate and behave like adults. It was what we were trying to do before I learned of the betrayals. We have to finish what we started.

In the articles I've read about how to get closure (two of them are linked to this page), they talk about the "closure conversation," the final meeting that two people have in order to move on with their lives. But can closure be had from a single conversation? Isn't closure more of a process than a singular event?

There's been a lot of advice - write a letter and tear it up, burn/sell his stuff, just ignore him and move on, work out/pig out, etc.  I will admit that pulling a "Waiting to Exhale" came to mind. There is a destructive route and a healing one. Which to pick, which to pick? The best advice? "Take the high road."

I don't want to fight with him, but I need to know things and to clear the air. I need to learn from this. I want to be able to move on with minimal baggage. And believe it or not, I DO want my ex to be happy (eventually). I wish him recovery and healing everyday. I know that my hopes for him MUST be positive. If I can't genuinely envision it for him, how will I ever achieve it for myself? 

Achieving Healthy Emotional Closure When Relationships End

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/closure.asp