Had to take a few days off. Sometimes trying to stay strong isn't so easy. This is the part of the 7 Stages of Grief when "a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you." Uh, ya think? And of course, coming along with it were the attempts "to talk me out of it by well meaning outsiders." That along with the isolation, reflection and feelings of emptiness and despair, was just enough to take me under the sheets for a couple of days.
People who have never experienced depression have a difficult time understanding it. They view it as a sadness that someone could just "snap out of." It makes me think of all of those depression medication commercials and how we laugh at the side effect disclaimers.... "may cause nausea, insomnia, suicidal thoughts or death." Um, WHY am I taking this medication? Though we may laugh, the commercials are right. They point out that depression is physical as well as emotional. As those who have felt it can relate to the heaviness of the body, the inability to move, the desire to just go back to sleep and the disappointment upon waking.
Now, my health conscious friends are telling me how beneficial yoga would be for me. I totally agree... if I could only find the strength to get out of bed. It's a catch-22, I need to eat right and exercise, but all I can keep down are comfort foods, and I can barely find the strength to even get to the kitchen. This physical response to depression may have to be dealt with by something a little stronger than a positive attitude.
For now, I'm just grateful that there seems to be more time between the low days.
Understand the depression, the heaviness, the blackness... I went through that last year. I used to not understand or get people when I heard they were depressed, equally thought they could get out of it with positive thinking and/or attitude until I went through it. It's not something you can shake off, even with amazing supportive people around you. It's a feeling, and it takes over. The only thing that forced me out of bed (and it was a force) was my kids. I HAD to get out of bed and get them going. I really missed a lot of what went on in their life but I couldn't do it. Happy to tell you that it's better. Not perfect but better. It will get better for you... and I can say that cause you are a strong person AND you do have amazing supportive people. Just takes time.
ReplyDeleteAND thank you for your blog... both inspiring and informative.