Can Exes Really Be Friends?

In my experience, the breakup talk often includes some sort of declaration that the two of you will always be friends.  We know how that usually goes.... we attempt a friendship before we finish the process of grieving, causing the process to drag on and on, creating more hurt and disappointment. Until eventually, you learn to stay the heck away from each other. Then, in a few months, or years, you run into each other, hopefully talk about the good times, hug and walk away. Sure we can be friendly, but friends?

Let's consider our "friendly" options:

• The Casual Acquaintance- This is the ex that you never go out of your way to contact. You may run into each other or give a third party salutation through a casual acquaintance, but you wouldn't worry if you lost their number.
• Friend by Association- This happens when the couple has a large pool of mutual longtime friends (i.e. college buddies). Rather than forcing the friends to choose between you, you agree to get along when you're thrown together at an event (an annual party, wedding, or reunion).
• The Random Phone Call Friend- For me, this is the "we just grew apart" ex. You still have fond memories and hold a place in your heart for this person (your first kiss, love, etc.) Every once in a while you'll get the "I heard a song that reminded me of you, and wanted to say hi," phone call.
• The Social Networking Friend-  Currently, six of my FB friends are guys that I "dated,"  (quotation marks because I include my 7th grade boyfriend of one week). These are guys from my youth, when we were all educating ourselves in the whole boyfriend/girlfriend relationship thing. Learning trial by error. We can joke publicly about our experiences. The spouses are often aware of our childhood hi-jinx. We're all just buddies now.
• The Jerry/Elaine Experience- On "Seinfeld", Jerry and Elaine were exes who ended up being best friends. They spoke openly with each other, hung out together, set each other up on dates, and for a brief moment had some "friends with benefits" action. But, that was television, and I have yet to see one of these friendships in action. If anyone out there can provide proof of this mythical relationship, please, share.

So, can/will the ex and I be friends? If I had to decide right now?.... HECK NO! And I don't need to go into the reasons why. What about in the future?  At my age, I've learned to be honest about my ability to predict the future... I can't. There are some factors to consider, such as the details of our history and relationship and the ability to forgive.

In that wonderful future that I am envisioning, have we been able to forgive? I hope so, because forgiveness can be very liberating..... so I've been told.