When we fall in love with someone, it's about more than just a physical connection. We attach ourselves mentally on a deeper level. This allows us to share our fears and secrets, confide in one another, to talk about the most difficult things and share our fantasies. This is why, when we ask people to define cheating, most will say that it's about more than just sex. It's very possible to cheat on someone without any sex being involved.
The best definition that I've heard yet is, cheating is "anything that involves the opposite sex that is kept hidden, or that you know would hurt your partner."
During my relationship I had never had reason to feel jealous. He introduced me to his female friends and ex-girlfriends. He spoke openly of his friendships of with them. This honesty built trust between us.
To learn of physical infidelity in a relationship is hard enough, to find out that he had a long lasting emotional connection with someone just about destroyed me. He was talking to her but not to me. He had a deep connection with her while he was shutting me out. She knew about me but he couldn't tell me about her. What made her different from his other friends? Why would he think that I would be upset by a platonic relationship?
Men and women define cheating differently. Is flirting considered cheating? Phone calls that you step out of the room to take? Playful texting? Talk to your partner, know where the line is. If you have friends of the opposite sex, don't hide them. If it causes jealousy, then there is an issue that needs to be addressed. If you feel the need to have a set of friends that you'd never introduce to your partner, then you need to reevaluate your relationship.
One last thought, if your partner cheated on his/her last lover, do you really think that it couldn't happen again with you?
*Thank you to my facebook friends who shared their opinions and personal stories about this topic, and also to those who comment here. Your words inspire me.
I can see why some men do feel that they need to cheat....if your man comes to you, tells you what his needs are from your relationship and you do nothing about it then yes he will go find it elsewhere. When he tells you this and you shrug it off like he doesnt mean it then that is partially your fault. I am not condoning his cheating or reasons for cheating but unless you are willing to truly listen and help him out, he will cheat. And obviously he did it to you. My bf and I have a great reltionship of...I make no promises I tell no lies...we discuss anything and everything down to the last details. We communicate our every thought whether we like what we hear from our partner. I hope that you can move forward with your healing process just know that it doesn't happen over night.
ReplyDelete