The hardest part about this breakup is dealing with hurt of deception and the loss of trust. I don't know all of the lies, but I know enough to now doubt everything. I have no clue what I can believe, and who I can trust. Will finding out the truth really help me? Or, will it just reopen old wounds and drag me back to where I was two months ago?
"Knowledge is Power"..... Why do I need to know? I need to figure out where I went wrong. Did I see the signs, but not say anything because I was blinded by love? Did I catch him in lies, but allow him to talk his way out of them? I need to know because I need to figure out how I could be so easily fooled. I need to learn from this and so it doesn't happen again.
"The Truth Hurts"..... Knowing the truth comes with the caveat that that I have to deal with the pain it brings. Is it possible for me to be hurt anymore deeply than I already am? I have been advised to just cut off all communication, focus on myself and move forward. I can't do that until I have an understanding of what went so wrong. I can't do that by myself.
And so what if, in the search for honesty, he just continues to lie to me? .... Why bother continuing with lies? It's too late to save face and feelings are already hurt. Continuing to lie will serve no purpose. I'm ready to hear the truth from the only person who can tell it. Hopefully he's not lying to himself.
Trust yourself, you actually know the truth.
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