Closure (psychology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Closure is a popular psychology term. It refers to a conclusion to a traumatic event or experience in a person's life. The term became popular in the 1990s due to its use in the popular media. The term cognitive closure has been defined as 'a desire for definite knowledge on some issue and the eschewal of confusion and ambiguity.'[1] Need for closure is a phrase used by psychologists to describe an individual’s desire for a firm solution as opposed to enduring ambiguity."
"I need closure".... my status update read, followed by comments from dear friends ready and willing to help me achieve it. But I feel that need to get my closure from the source of the pain. After 11 years, this is really like a divorce. We have grown people business to deal with. We have to communicate and behave like adults. It was what we were trying to do before I learned of the betrayals. We have to finish what we started.
In the articles I've read about how to get closure (two of them are linked to this page), they talk about the "closure conversation," the final meeting that two people have in order to move on with their lives. But can closure be had from a single conversation? Isn't closure more of a process than a singular event?
There's been a lot of advice - write a letter and tear it up, burn/sell his stuff, just ignore him and move on, work out/pig out, etc. I will admit that pulling a "Waiting to Exhale" came to mind. There is a destructive route and a healing one. Which to pick, which to pick? The best advice? "Take the high road."
I don't want to fight with him, but I need to know things and to clear the air. I need to learn from this. I want to be able to move on with minimal baggage. And believe it or not, I DO want my ex to be happy (eventually). I wish him recovery and healing everyday. I know that my hopes for him MUST be positive. If I can't genuinely envision it for him, how will I ever achieve it for myself?
Achieving Healthy Emotional Closure When Relationships End
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/howto/closure.asp
I am a firm believer in closure. In order to have closure though you must be willing to fully hear what your ex is saying to you and not get mad or angry. Just accept the truth and forgive so that you may truly move forward in your own happiness. Eventually down the road you may be able to rekindle your friendship but know that it will take some time. It will not happen over night but it can happen. I hope that you live and learn from this journey and know that you are not alone. Your true friends and your family are there for you.
ReplyDeleteAnd sometimes closure only comes within yourself. Some guys are good with coming back and discussing the relationship, some do not. For me, I did not spend a long time asking them to talk to me and the answer to your question...it is a process...it can start with one conversation with him, but ultimately, that process is yours and yours alone.
ReplyDeleteMy book recommendation to all my girlfriends is "In The Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant. She helped me (way more than my therapist ever did) to discover what makes me tick, what I want, what I can do better and how to move forward.
Thanks LoriF..... I put up a link if anyone is interested in checking out the book.
ReplyDelete