Three and a half years ago my world started falling apart. Wyatt and I stood by each other through the whole thing. As helpful as it was to have him, I knew that I needed more. I needed to talk to someone that wasn't him. I needed to talk to someone about him. Not my friends, not my family, but someone who could actually help, someone not so close.
I found myself a professional, and I spent 5 months in counseling. Apparently it was helping, because someone very close to me said that he could really tell that something was different. I seemed more calm and able to handle things better. I agreed that I felt good, positive, patient. I felt that therapy was helping me grow as a person. Knowing a thing or two about his past and family history, I suggested that he try out professional counseling as well. His response? "I don't need therapy.... I'm perfect." (Laughter ensued, but at the time he was very serious.)
What is it about therapy that puts people so on edge? Are we so egotistical that we can't accept the fact that others can help us? Do we think that, if we are in therapy it must mean that we are weak or crazy? Or, are we afraid of what we may learn about ourselves? That we are imperfect and capable of making poor decisions.
It's fine to rely on close friends, family and spouses for the everyday problems of life. It's called poker night, girl's night out, retail therapy, a bitch session. But, how about when it's not so simple? Those problems that keep coming back because we just haven't figured out how to do things right. It sure couldn't hurt to find a good therapist.
I believe that a good therapist is not a talker but a listener, taking the time to get to know you in order to lead you. A good therapist will not only ask you questions, but will ask you to question yourself. My therapist never told me what I was doing wrong in my life, I was able to figure that out myself. What my therapist did was make me understand why I was doing those things. Once I began to understand what was driving me, I was able to approach things differently, in a way that was less destructive.
There are many easy "therapeutic" things that we can do to help deal with stress and depression. We can read self-help books, watch inspirational movies, meditate, talk to our friends, journal about it in a blog. These are all things that a therapist would agree are helpful, but often the results are temporary. We go in circles, feeling better for the moment, forgetting what is really causing the problem, not dealing with it because we are embarrassed or afraid that talking about it will just cause conflict.
It's natural for us to want to talk about our problems, and often it is easier to talk to a stranger. Someone who we can trust to keep secret our innermost fears, who is neutral and able to hold us accountable, who won't judge when we talk about how lost we are. In our journey of life, sometimes we need a guide.
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